Why do autistic children ask so many questions? Why do autistic children need to know why before they can comply w a request? Because of dyspraxia. Because we have issues w perception. Because we are often pattern thinkers and one datapoint does not make sense by itself, we need to associate it w something else to understand why something is pertinent or important. One datapoint in isolation is not a concept nor a direction. When you have adhd often your experience of things around you is chaotic. You take in so much distraction, and redirection is difficult. The datapoint has to be anchored down w information, a structure to hold it in place so it makes sense. Autistic folk are known for being rigid in thought, tough to sway. The more information provided, the easier the transition, because you have accommodated our thinking style and given enough incentive to flip the switch. Be patient w your kids, be informative.
Category Archives: Child Psychology
Only one of us is left to diagnose, and that is the baby. She is 9 now, and awaiting an appointment w the specialist at the state university. I chose to wait so I could be certain she was properly screened as I am sure she is a decent masker.
I don’t know if I mentioned I was diagnosed as Autistic 4 years ago. I mostly just sat on the information and thought it wasn’t terribly relevant until my boyfriend complained about my special interest and then never spoke to me again. How I can bring a man to a sweat discussing psychology and interpersonal relationships I do not know. But I always assumed after 3 years together sans a fight that a couple would remain friendly. Seems I have some deficiencies in the relationship side of things if I am a misjudge of character to such an extent.
Currently I am trying to learn about masking, when I do it, if I am conscious of it, can I stop? But such an inherent and instinctive thing, who can can say. I feel like a character in that ridiculous new book by Stephanie Meyer, Host or whatever. Like an alien is attached to my brain stem and I am unaware of how or what it does to my body, the real me asleep somewhere within. The alien being the mask. Which one runs the other? I do not know.
I did succeed in getting the children into the best autistic school in the state, the oldest has begun already and the younger two will attend upon graduating their elementary years. Seventh grade is the start. The school will teach them domestic things as well as the academics, important shit like how to make their mother a cappucino or make their beds. This is a single mom hack, is how I look at it. I need another parent, the school is my stand in.
Sorry I was gone. I was trying to live but I gave up. I was trying to heal but I am hardwired. I did learn to talk more, fear less. So I am writing. I missed you, thanks for reading.
Today I picked up my Oldest Son during a downpour. As we left the front door of his friend’s house I held the little umbrella up over his head. He didn’t realize I had one at first, and he was afraid of the rain and of getting his video game controller wet so he was immediately grateful. He looked back and said “What about you, you don’t have one?” Meaning the umbrella. I told him I didn’t need one, I loved him more. He said “More than yourself, you love me? I thought you loved me and you equally.” I laughed at him and hugged him under the umbrella and told him that’s not how it works. He was so surprised.
One or another of my kids comes home every month talking about hell. Their friends or classmates patiently explain to them that I am going to be going to hell, and that they will, too, if they don’t get it together and believe in x, y, z.
I tried to explain to my kids that this doesn’t work, that you cannot force belief. I asked them to imagine I was full of magic beans instead of blood and bones and etc. The older children got it but the baby couldn’t figure it out. Already the concept of hell is too familiar to her. She can believe that but not magic.
I asked her if it was fair to be in control of a person, their food, their destiny, their every material comfort, and to send them to some horrible place? Like would it be okay if I sent her to her room and told her she could only eat bread? She burst out crying. I have to undo this when she is older. Right now she can’t fathom how ridiculous it is to punish a person for a belief.
Belief is involuntary. Changeable, but involuntary.
I sat the older kids down and explained to them the origins and evolution of the concept of hell in Abrahamic traditions, how it was a valley outside of Jerusalem and etc. Gehennem to Jahannam. I left out the human sacrifice bits, not sure how sound those reports are, anyway. I did impress the smell and the sight of trash burning 24/7 on them, and they understood.
Next week in the city is the Monthly Atheist Picnic, with a playground and etc. I am going to take them just so I can point to the crowd and explain that none of these people believe mommy is going to hell. I hope it comforts them a bit.
I don’t care in what religion they end up, so long as the faith they choose is respectful and empathetic to others, and not just their own.
We have been free for five years. The criminal order of protection expires in six years. We are down to two appointments per week from eight. I don’t have to log violent incidents because they are so few and far between. Here is what I have learned lately:
If you have a violent or hyper child, try cutting out dairy. Every bit of dairy, even butter, even buttermilk pancakes. Taking away dairy works like an antipsychotic, I am telling you true.
Your birth control pills or your estrogen can be making you sick. The side effects I am free from now that I have gotten off of The Pill are:
Extreme persistent hunger
Eyes too dry to use contacts in
Sudden flares of temper
I never suspected my Pill was hampering my recovery. Hard to control your PTSD when you are tired and irritable! Why was I on the Pill, when I live like a nun? For cysts. I get cysts inside and out and I would rather have them than the stomach pain I ended up with. Cyst pain is easier to deal with than that.
My Oldest Son did not experience his yearly regression. Possible reasons for the relief: 1)his obsessive and pervasive tendency to check out of reality and into books as a coping method
2)his anti-anxiety medication
He did NOT, however, ever gain back some of the skills he lost last year when he regressed. He is currently showing signs of stress- chewing his shirts, so I am still holding my breath a bit. But school is over in a week. I think this is going to be a regression free year.
It’s okay to be lazy. Sometimes you can’t go go go.
Thanks to the Sheriff, the DA, the DV Liaison, the Medical Team, and the friend who let us move into her basement almost five years ago. You made all things possible.
I know people have wondered about it: the way that one of my dearest friends passed out of this world in silence almost a year ago now – without a word from me about it on my blog. I have gnawed a hole in one cheek over her death and the subsequent silence that has […]
I hate video. I can watch movies, sometimes. Tension can bother me, suspense might bother me, and sometimes I just cannot sit still. I never watch them. Apologies to all those on my reading list here who put up videos. I read whatever you say about them, but I don’t watch them.
I can be triggered by videos as much as I can by real life. Loud noises, violence, aggression, sudden movements. In real life I am often triggered by my own children. They squabble, they scream, they run here and there, they jump up and down. It’s not like I lose it, but I can feel myself close to an edge. I have to calm them, remove them from the situation, distract them, or turn away when they are using the trampoline.
I have read a lot of books and articles on children. PTSD kids, trauma kids, autistic kids, ODD kids, ADHD kids. However, when I come across videos when researching an issue I just skip them. Because video.
Which is not so bright of me, I think.
Who should I be learning about kids from? Doctors? Yes. Doctors are good sources of information but it is just as important that I learn about children from children. Normally this is through children who have grown up and can vividly recall what it was like to be traumatized/developing autistic/angry/distracted. There is precious little out there from this last source. But that is changing.
I have known about and read about Amythest Schaber for years. But I have not been able to watch her videos, despite the fact that she has a pleasant voice and face. I just would rather read than listen because of my issues.
But I hit upon a solution for videos lately. I have been trying to keep abreast of Standing Rock events and live streaming video has been more informative on that issue than news articles. I put on the video and then I don’t watch it. I look away at pictures or something not moving and I go back and forth to manage the stimulation.
So after learning this trick this week (I know, seems simple to you but I have had this aversion…) I put on some videos by Amythest Schaber and found that what I term a regression she is calling autistic burnout. I had no idea that they could be the same thing.
The psychologist and I had begun crafting a plan to try to keep this year’s regression from happening to Oldest Son. We were going to treat it as a sort of breakdown, and were going to try to limit his overload and provide more one on one time and engage him in identifying and treating his feelings in the months leading up to his typical regression time. After listening to Amythest’s take on it I know now to add sensory diet into that plan. I am certain we will come up with more in the next few weeks, after the New Year it will become more critical. So we were on the right track but I ought to have more access to information now that I have the correct terminology.
So this is an example of how my own issues have limited my parenting. I think the date on that video was 2014. I ought to have watched it back then.