For all the mothers out there who endured/endure abuse from the fathers of their children-I stand with you on this day.
Monthly Archives: June 2017
The Neurologist said we had every right to question his advice about seizure medications. He leaned against a paper-covered table, and my husband and I sat in chairs against the wall. Fiona, who was sick with a cold that day, sat in her stroller. “Do you have to follow my recommendations? No,” he said. “You don’t. That’s your right as a parent.”
I was relieved. I’d been hesitant about a particular drug he recommended for Fiona. I wanted to check with the Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome community and see about other people’s experiences with the drug.
“Let me give you an analogy,” the Neurologist said. Then he told us this story:
He once had a patient who was “profoundly disabled,” he said. She was in a wheelchair. She needed a feeding tube. (There is a way to list these details as facts, and there is a way to list these details as…
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Today I picked up my Oldest Son during a downpour. As we left the front door of his friend’s house I held the little umbrella up over his head. He didn’t realize I had one at first, and he was afraid of the rain and of getting his video game controller wet so he was immediately grateful. He looked back and said “What about you, you don’t have one?” Meaning the umbrella. I told him I didn’t need one, I loved him more. He said “More than yourself, you love me? I thought you loved me and you equally.” I laughed at him and hugged him under the umbrella and told him that’s not how it works. He was so surprised.
One or another of my kids comes home every month talking about hell. Their friends or classmates patiently explain to them that I am going to be going to hell, and that they will, too, if they don’t get it together and believe in x, y, z.
I tried to explain to my kids that this doesn’t work, that you cannot force belief. I asked them to imagine I was full of magic beans instead of blood and bones and etc. The older children got it but the baby couldn’t figure it out. Already the concept of hell is too familiar to her. She can believe that but not magic.
I asked her if it was fair to be in control of a person, their food, their destiny, their every material comfort, and to send them to some horrible place? Like would it be okay if I sent her to her room and told her she could only eat bread? She burst out crying. I have to undo this when she is older. Right now she can’t fathom how ridiculous it is to punish a person for a belief.
Belief is involuntary. Changeable, but involuntary.
I sat the older kids down and explained to them the origins and evolution of the concept of hell in Abrahamic traditions, how it was a valley outside of Jerusalem and etc. Gehennem to Jahannam. I left out the human sacrifice bits, not sure how sound those reports are, anyway. I did impress the smell and the sight of trash burning 24/7 on them, and they understood.
Next week in the city is the Monthly Atheist Picnic, with a playground and etc. I am going to take them just so I can point to the crowd and explain that none of these people believe mommy is going to hell. I hope it comforts them a bit.
I don’t care in what religion they end up, so long as the faith they choose is respectful and empathetic to others, and not just their own.