My Oldest Son

My autistic child has regressed so completely that his short term memory is shot. He is completely unable to sequence anymore. He opens the door, and does not shut it. He uses the bathroom, and does not flush. He takes a DVD out, and does not put it away. He also now just follows his impulses. He does not ask me for permissions. He takes off for the property next door without asking. He eats all the frozen juice without asking if all sixteen juice pops are for him.

This is how he used to be, as a kindergartner. He seems to have stopped thinking. Today I found myself going over basics of critical thinking with him, in a desperate attempt to get him to pause before taking any action so he can determine if he should take that action at all.

So there is no more tying shoes and no more bathing and no more of much anything. But he is drawing cartoons a tad better than before. Okay, I just found one of his drawings, so make that a lot better.

It is exhausting. I cannot get used to him as he is now when he as he was a few months ago is still fresh in my memory. I find myself getting frustrated with him multiple times a day for breaking rules he had known since he was five. I have to follow behind him, just to stop him from eating just before lunch is served, or from going out to the sandbox when it is bedtime, or from trying to skip rocks in a pie pan full of water.

If he stays like this he will never be able to live on his own. Six months ago I was leaning towards him being okay after I pass on, and now instead I am heartbroken from worrying about who will care for him and how he will do without me.

He cannot recognize anyone anymore, more than half our neighbors he has now mistaken for someone else. The school said there was no issue with faceblindness at his IEP in May. I don’t know if he is hiding it while there or if this is related to his regression.

I don’t see any sign of epilepsy yet- and I don’t know how to get him back to where he was before. I am so worried for him. I am always watching. I need another me, so that I don’t have to cook or clean or be in another room.


Filed under ADHD, ASD, Asperger's, Autism, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Trauma, Uncategorized

4 responses to “My Oldest Son

  1. You cannot do this alone. How old is he? What grade in school? What are they recommending? There must be support groups for parents of autistic children; that should be your starting point. Just thinking out loud here.

    • Yes, I see the other moms every two weeks at social skills group. I have a medical team who listens to me and the school thinks he is fine and needs less rather than more. His earlier regressions all seemed to resolve with the removal of environmental stress (school year ending, leaving mainstream, etc). This one is different, it seems more pervasive and it is lasting longer. I need to talk to his doctor and see if testing is required.

  2. Definitely talk to his Dr about this. Sending hugs and prayers. 💕

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