Abuse and Unhealthy Relationships

Yesterday when I picked up my daughter from daycare the preschool teacher pulled me aside. She wanted to tell me what had happened that day.

My daughter was coloring with her friend. She wanted to stop and go do something else. It was free time, where the children can choose from different stations and play with the available toys. Her friend went over to the trash can and held her half of their best friend´s necklace over it, the one she kept when she gave the other half to my daughter last fall.

She dangled the string and said ¨If you stop coloring I will throw this away…¨ While smiling.

The teachers didn´t understand what was going on. They asked the girl if she was going to throw her necklace away, if it were broken? and my daughter chimed in and explained it to them. I am glad she speaks up.

There is just no getting away from it. I see abuse everywhere, in everything. My daughter has just turned five and already she is involved in unhealthy patterns. She has had a propensity to be involved in cliques at her daycare and though it was super cute when she was two- it doesn´t look that way anymore.

Chances are pretty good that she engages in this sort of blackmail, too. She tries it with me, a few times a year. Such as the ¨If you don´t give me candy for breakfast, I will scream and scream!¨ whispered in my ear last fall.

I keep trying to teach them.




Filed under Bully, Bullying, Child Abuse, Child Psychology, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Trauma, Uncategorized

5 responses to “Abuse and Unhealthy Relationships

  1. Excellent post. As preschool teacher I am very concerned about the bully, and how that teacher handled the situation with the parents. Unfortunately, I probably already know the answer. Empowering children, like yours, is akin to ‘an ounce of prevention…’ Thank you.

    • The teacher actually pulled the other mother aside, too. I saw it as I was leaving. I just hope that mom knows her daughter is most likely not the only instigator!

      • I hope so, too. Seeing the teacher pulling the mother aside is a good thing. It’s probably a positive step. Making a difference? That’s another story.

  2. Reclaiming

    I have often heard my children using the same kinds of threats with each other “if you don’t do x…” followed by a threat. They learned it from their father, but I have even caught myself doing it and have had to correct myself. You hear it so often it becomes normal, but it is the wrong way to motivate someone through fear and guilt. If I had learned about this when I was young I think I could have avoided marrying my husband in the first place, as he basically bullied and blackmailed me, and pressured me until I gave in. Never give in to a bully- an important life lesson I should have learned.

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