Monthly Archives: February 2016

Single Parenting, Violent Crime, Income

I got my social security statement in the mail today. My heart always skips a beat when I see the envelope. I always worry that my ex is using my social security number or trying to scam the government with my information, and I forget that they send this notice out every year telling you how much you would get if you were to retire.

It gives my income every year since I hit legal age.

The last time I made this amount was when I was nineteen. I make as much right now as I did twenty years ago. This is the most I have made in the past decade.

The reasons:

My hours worked are less. I have to take special needs kids to appointments and see them to the bus and I cannot put in more hours on the job.

My career was derailed. My ex harassed me so badly at my job that I couldn´t take the stress and quit. Then he convinced me to work for a friend of his, and the salary he promised never coalesced. I effectively flushed my career down the toilet ten years ago.

(My income the year before my career derailed was three times my current income, if that gives you an idea of the dramatic shift.)

I have not kept up with my field. The pertinent focus of my field has shifted from areas of my expertise onto East Asia. My sphere of reference is no longer relevant, and I never got any technical or managerial background to round out this gap.

I live, for my safety, in an area where I cannot be tracked by my ex. This means no big cities, and that means the jobs available in my area pay drastically less. This is how I live as a victim of violent crime who has been relocated for my safety from one state to another.

I do, however, make more than most in my current field. I do, however, have a job that is less stressful than my old career, and far less demanding. I do, however, get to take my kids to all the appointments they require.

Totally worth it.




Filed under Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Trauma, Uncategorized

Physical Therapy, or Scary Movie?

So my oldest son, being autistic, has floppy, weak muscles. This leads to all sorts of issues, from fine motor problems to a lack of coordination and worst for me, no stamina whatsoever.

Winter makes it worse, he won´t go out in the snow unless we are sledding.

So I was commenting on this with his physical therapist and she upped his appointments to once a week. Great for his body, bad for my income. Totally worth it.

His morning appointments have been going swimmingly. He has always been far more capable in the morning. By late afternoon he is bumping into things and falling over himself. So today we had his second morning appointment and I was quite happy about it. We got there a few minutes early.

In the waiting room he is reading a book facing away from me, and I can tell he is picking his nose. This is the worst part of his particular brand of ASD, so far. You cannot pick your nose and then go to therapy, you are going to be handling equipment that other people use! So I tell him to get to the restroom and wash up, and he does. I forget that he is afraid of this bathroom. He is afraid of any bathroom, really, unless I am inside it with him. But I cannot follow him into the restroom, he will never gain any tolerance if I go in with him every time. So after he initially goes in he calls me over a minute later. Not unexpected.

What was unexpected was that when I look at him as I am walking over is that his nose is gushing blood. I tell him his nose is bleeding. He tells me he knows.

I push the door open and notice the doorjamb is smeared with blood. Like a horror flick. But what is worse is what is waiting inside the door. Remember, he was only in the bathroom for a minute. Any normal kid would run to the sink and put a paper towel over his nose while trying to get the blood off, right?

Not mine.

Mine has written on the bathroom wall, just inside the door, the words ¨help me¨ in blood. In that one minute.

I don´t know whether to be proud of his sense of the dramatic, or angry at the biohazard he spread around in the clinic.






Filed under ADHD, ASD, Asperger's, Autism, Child Psychology, ODD, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Uncategorized

The Judge Called…

And asked me if I would like to withdraw the hearing.

I didn´t know it was up to me. I didn´t ask for a hearing! I just wrote a letter..

So apparently, when the insurance company went ahead and honored the prescription, they didn’t have much of a case anymore. Covering the prescription means they admit my son needs his medicine.

I lost some sleep, an hour and a half of work, and not too much else.

It could have been far worse.

I am saving all the letters his doctors wrote for me. For next year.


Filed under ADHD, Child Abuse, Child Psychology, Medication, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Uncategorized

I Was Wrong, Dead Wrong About Insurance

So I got a letter in the mail today. Two weeks from tomorrow I have to present my evidence at a hearing over my son´s medication. I don´t know what I have to argue. I have to argue that my son needs his meds? I have to argue that I am compliant in how the claims are submitted to insurance? I have to prove he really has a prescription?

I don´t understand what the fuss is. Two years ago a doctor prescribed this medicine for my son, and it put him on a cycle of sleepiness after each dose, so we switched him to the ER version. Clonidine ER. Now he is just normal all day. He gets tired after lunch, he is a natural napper, but this is not from his meds. He takes them in the morning. He has a normal life now, like other children. He is not trying to seriously injure anyone anymore.

So tomorrow I have to call the Legal Aid number on the back of the hearing notice and try to get a lawyer to care about my problem enough to go pro bono. I have to call all his doctors, as there are three who approve of him being on this medication, they all consulted each other- the child psychologist, the child psychiatrist, and his pediatrician. I suppose I need statements from them.

The hearing happens during my workday, of course. Maybe I have to push back his OT referral. I don´t know how I can arrange to double my appointments when I have to run around gathering evidence.

I know this must be routine for them, but it feels a major inconvenience to me. It is distressing. I wish they would just give me insurance coverage and be done with it. If they don´t want to cover the meds, just tell me. Don´t drag me around like this. I haven´t even seen his casefile. I don´t know how to get access to it, I don´t want to drive to the capital for it, I have to work, I am low income-that is how I got this insurance in the first place, why are they doing this to me? How can I work when I have to gather evidence frantically in two weeks like this? I have to view this casefile to see what the problem is, I don´t understand at all how a child can be prescribed a medication and the insurance can dispute it. What the hell are doctors for?


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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Psychology, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Medication, ODD, PTSD, SIngle Parenting, Trauma, Uncategorized