Exhaustion

For three weeks I have been dealing with boxes. My PTSD got so bad I was just packing two or so a night and then trying to de-stress. I did pretty well, I only got exasperated a few times with the children on the day of move and the day after.
But my body is completely in revolt. I am accustomed to full body aching, I have had osteoarthritis since before I was legal, but this is nearly getting the best of me.
I am bone tired. My feet will not stop hurting. I have still so much to do, and right now I just cannot.
I picked out the wrong rooms for the kids, changed them around, and it was not as bad as I thought, but I did lose a day by it.
I got beds for both my sons, from a sweet girl whose family did not need them anymore. I am very lucky with furniture, I just do without for a length of time and eventually someone asks me (not knowing that I am without) if I can use x, y, or z. She wouldn’t take payment, so I am going to get her a giftcard to somewhere, and one for her father, too, who set it all up. Nothing over the top, just enough so they know I mean it. Now I have enough beds for everyone in the house, and if I wanted a bunk bed, I could have one. Tomorrow I have to get all accessories and the boys will be in their cool new room.
When I moved to this town I sent eleven boxes by mail and then took a plane with three checked bags and three checked car seats.
I don’t know what happened. Eleven boxes would have been much easier to pack, and easier on my back.
I want to be done, to have a lazy day where I clean up whatever needs cleaning and then I organize my calendar and to-do list.
Where I do not have to decide against doing something because I am working myself into exhaustion. I thought having movers would make it a breeze, but I forgot about unpacking. I have to buy some furniture, I am unpacked enough to know that I need a pantry. I need a lot of things, actually, so many that I keep forgetting what I need.
In the last few days I have caught myself writing the letter S backwards at least three times, as if I have forgotten how to do it, and indeed it did take me more than a minute to figure out how to get it right. I hope that means nothing. I just want fourteen more years before I lose my mind. I just have to raise these kids to competency and then insanity can take me where it will.
I am very tired and sore.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Exhaustion

  1. Let me echo the sentiment: Courage!

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