Triggering Events

My son and I are having nightmares. I had to go to work with our abusers face burning in my mind, as the alarm went off while I, in a dream, tried to keep him calm. Like I was back there, trapped. Those are worse than the being found nightmares. Those are panicky, sure, but at least in those dreams I got away for a while. When I dream that I never left, that I am trapped in that cycle of trying to appease a monster and protect my children, those are worse. Those nightmares ruin my day. I don’t get them often.
It is the move. My son awoke screaming in the night, something he thankfully does not do very often anymore. He has been having more of those dreams, the more we box up our belongings.
I hope they go away in the new house. But the new house is not as securely set up as this house is. It is far easier to access and far more exposed. I haven’t got a dog to alert me to anything. I ought to look into security. I ought to move on. How does one know when to stop being afraid? With what does one measure personal risk? I don’t think a conversation even with Gavin De Becker will help. I feel like I have to take every precaution, at all times, and that is a ridiculous way to live forever.
PTSD really sucks.


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5 responses to “Triggering Events

  1. if you can afford it, a security system is a fantastic way to get peace of mind – and sleep. Your sub-conscious will know it’s there. All the best to both of you.

  2. Light and peace: my wishes for you.
    And yes, PTSD really really sucks.

  3. Thanks for your support, I am taking all the light and peace I can get!

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