Both boys saw the psychologist last week. She took them in for a joint session for a little while, with myself present. She was amazed at the amount of activity in her office. They are busy little kids, who cannot even sit down. Anyway.
She asked Eldest Son about his nightmares, which he said he still has. I told her our last session was the first I had heard about his nightmares. She went back through notes and found one from last year, when he was initially screened for her care and found to be recovered from PTSD. The note was about his nightmares, he used to wake up screaming. I provided her with this information a year ago.
I forgot this. Completely.
So here my kid still has all these fears, and still has nightmares, and because he does not verbalize in the night, I am clueless. Even worse, I cannot remember it from before. Eldest Son has stopped hitting people, stopped throwing major tantrums, stopped repeating phrases three times, and will wear all of his wardrobe instead of two yellow shirts and one pair of soft pants. So many of his autistic symptoms have faded.
He can no longer stand being in a room alone. I tap on the outside of bathroom doors so that he does not freak out and open the door, unclothed, to escape the torment of being left alone in there. He will scream at you if you tell him something untrue, even if in jest, especially if it is about himself. He will call you a liar, if you insist chameleons change color or something fantastic but true like that. What is from ASD, and what is PTSD?
So if his fears are present, even amplified, does that mean he has learned to pass, and is just stuffing his issues down? This is my fear. Are his symptoms just internalized, manifesting in fears and bad dreams? Is he in fact not happier, but less, because he is overwhelmed, because we demand too much from him?