Middle Son, Behaviour, and Medication

Middle son has been getting sick from the Strattera. I thought it was from the Clonidine, but it was actually the Strattera, so the doctor dismissed it from our medicine cabinet today.

We see the child psychiatrist next Thursday for the first time. I am so glad.

Tomorrow we see his psychologist and his behaviour therapist. These appointments were already scheduled. Today there was an incident at the pool at the daycare, that made made me grateful that the other child was only scratched. Pools are dangerous places to engage in fighting, the child could have drowned.

My son was bumped by another child. He took it as intentional, and turned around, fighting.

Whatever the reason for it, he also was not given his lunch dose of Clonidine. I do not know if that would have helped him to resist impulse, but that is why he is taking it.

My son is in jail. I took everything fun out of my room and put him in it. I tried to do bread and water for his dinner, but I failed. I did dry turkey burger (quantity 2) and water, instead. I told him if he behaves in jail, he can come out for the last half hour before bed and have that time to watch the before bed movie with the rest of us and still get a story.

Taking away his possessions does not work. Depriving him of electronics time does not seem like it fits the crime.

I reminded him of this story:
In the shelter, there was another mother who had an older child (eleven), who was violent with the smaller children. I found some threatening messages from him regarding our family, and I went to his mother and asked her in the nicest way to help me in keeping our children apart. I had made this arrangement with other mothers before, if our kids got into trouble or my kids were a bad influence on hers.

This mother did not like my suggestion that her son should stay away from my kids. The most profound case of denial I have ever seen. Her son had already removed the skin off of my son’s back by dragging him around a playground, and I had watched him throw a bicycle into a six year old who was going full speed on another bike. Those were not the only incidents, only the ones I was involved with.

Here are the parts of the story he did not know, that I explained to him today after reminding him of the above history:
She became very angry. She became aggressive. She backed me up and was attempting to intimidate me and provoke me into taking the first shot. I don’t fight, and I have a decade’s worth of experience with violent men, so I wasn’t about to fall for any traps.
I talked her down. When the staff called us into a meeting the next day, I continued to talk her down. I talked the staff down. She and I remained friends after she had left the shelter, until she got busy with her new life. Friends who had nothing in common but eight weeks of shared space.

I told him, if someone tries to pick a fight with you, you cannot fall for it. It is always a trap. You must walk away. You must never answer a hit with a hit, it creates a cycle that never ends. I told him if I could stand up to a big aggressive woman and insist on the right things, and demonstrate the correct responses, and gain respect for it, that so can he. He is my son.

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Middle Son, Behaviour, and Medication

  1. Harrowing. The hair on my forearms is standing on end right now. I applaud your courage in carrying on in the face of such difficulties. And other people complain when their kids don’t do their homework or clean their room!

    I’ve read a bit about Aikido (although I don’t practice it) and what I read says the focus of that art is on defusing conflict and inducing co-operation. Does your experience with violent men include Aikido training?

  2. Great story you told your son. Best of luck with the psychiatrist and your therapies! Behavioural therapy did us a world of good – for the most part. At least I understand HOW it works. Whether it works depends. šŸ˜›

    • Yes, this is our second go at it. It worked well on one son, who began slipping without it and is back in, and now I am desperate for the other to respond to it… thank you so much for your support! It helps so much to get feedback from someone who has been there.

      • That’s exactly what happened with me – one son it worked great with, the second is taking ever-so-long to “get” it. The first though was sixteen when we started, so that might have something to do with it.
        Hang in there and most of all, stay consistent! He’ll come around. šŸ™‚

      • Thank you, I am definitely in it for the long haul!

  3. That’s great advise you gave him; fighting doesn’t solve anything. It just creates a vicious cycle. Taking the high road is never easy, but it’s the best solution. Your son will be fine. šŸ™‚
    At some point in my life I was a bit violent, because I thought fighting was the best way to resolve issues but then as I grew up I realized it only worsens matters.

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