Today my son bit the bullet. Well, he swallowed the pill. Okay, HALF a pill. I let him take half of the lowest possible dose of Tenex. The psychologist recommended it, a few weeks ago. That was a few public meltdowns, one one-block runaway incident, several heartbreaking cries, eight bad reports from daycare, a hundred statements of self blame, and fourteen-plus nightmares away from today, when I fulfilled the prescription.
When a young child has ADHD and PTSD, the impulse control really suffers. This is an understatement, this is a mother’s politeness. This is a nice way to say, after two years of behaviour therapy and countless changes made in environment, schedule, parenting style, nutrition, and exercise, I think it must be impulsivity, times five. No child WANTS to be in trouble, day in, and day out. No kid makes negative statements about themselves, defining statements, daily, unless they believe it to be true. My son is convinced he is bad. But he is not. He is a sensitive and caring child, who cannot seem to control his hands or body. He catapults over everything, or goes upside down on it. He will poke you, pinch you, hit you, or throw you to the ground. In a second. He knows this is wrong. He does not want to do it, he has consequences for such behaviours, consequences he desperately wants to avoid. He just cannot stop himself, in time. Finally, I am really listening to him. I am medicating him, when I said I never would. His good days are much too few, to expect him to overcome this on his own any longer.
The doctor told me this medicine is supposed to give him enough time to make a choice. To keep his adrenaline from flooding his brain, and allow him to choose to not lash out in anger. Because I could care less about the catapulting over the booths in Subway. This is not socially acceptable, I understand, but no one gets hurt. I just give him his redirection or we leave if he cannot get it together. But the lashing out, using his hands on people, that has got to stop. He cannot start kindergarten like that, it will doom him to an IEP, suspensions, and in first grade it will expel him. I take medicine to keep my adrenaline under control, to keep my heart rate down, to stop the panic that overcomes me when my cortisol goes up. Mine works for me, it still seems, miraculously. This drug is said to be similar, and I hope the same result for him.